There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Randomize
