You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
