It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
