so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
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