My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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