Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
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