I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
should my penis look like a turkey
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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