whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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