yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
