at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
