yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
