i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.