wrigley field is MILF paradise
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?