How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
25 True Facts That Sound Fake AF
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
27 Hairstyles That Always Come With A Matching Personality
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants