Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
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Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
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When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar