im about as happy as oj after his trial
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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