grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
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he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
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Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
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