i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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