I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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