The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
