Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Randomize
