You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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