I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize