My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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