I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
