YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Randomize
