besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
