I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
