he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
