no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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