Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
