Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
