She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
