It's Friday. Sex?
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
