I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
