You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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