Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
