I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I am midnight drunk by noon
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
