Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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