Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
