so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
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