UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
