Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Randomize
