I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
