What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize