Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
