is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize