So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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