I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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