I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
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mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
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Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize