my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
