she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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