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he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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