I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
