Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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