tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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