did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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