yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
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I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
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Right now you and beer are my only friends.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
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