That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
