You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
