hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
