i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
