I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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