I wish I could punch you in the face.
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize