You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Randomize
