if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
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It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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