my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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